Motherhood As of Late

February 21, 2017

I’m a mom now.
I feel like I have so much to share these days but I am afraid to because I have no polished photos and everything is soooo beautiful in the IG world that it feels like nobody reads it if you don’t post the perfect image. And selfishly I want people to be instrested in what I have to say.
But today I don’t care I just want to write. First off I am soooooo tired. Insanely tired. Rosey has been sick once last week, and once the week before so sleeping (if it wasn’t shit already) has been awful the last couple of weeks.
Sometimes my brain is so sleep deprived that I say dumb shit that doesn’t even make sense and then I laugh because I’m not even making sense and it’s just weird and freaky.
Duuuuur, I say to myself. And then I smack my forehead and crack up.
Anyways, every time I look in to my daughters eyes I am filled with a rush/gush of overwhelming love. I feel like it’s even bigger than what we (as humans) know about love. It’s otherworldly, to describe it in one word. I want to give her everything, do everything, be everything for HER.
Also, I really miss being out in the world with adult humans. One of my biggest fears is that I will die never having advanced in my career and although I thoroughly love being a stay at home mom right now, I also know that I have a purpose outside of our home. And that is to help support women that struggle with food and their body image. Every day I find myself aching to get back in to it full force but the thing is when you don’t sleep a full night in a few months, your drive to be out in the world and hustle isn’t really there. I have to repeatedly make space every day for where I am in my process of motherhood and honor that. For now, I only work with a few clients and take care of my baby, myself and our home. This is HARD my friends. I’m used to having my own paycheck and I actually like to work and feel it is important for my personal growth.
What else? I don’t really like my body right now and it’s weird for me to say it because for crying out loud I support other women to love theirs. But the truth is when women go through major life changes the transition part makes us feel kinda crappy in our bodies. I’ve seen it professionally and personally over and over again. Ladies that are currently having a hard time with their bodies, take note of this. Are you going through some type of transition? Your ‘yuck’ feeling may have to do with it. I hope (for myself) that I feel good in my body sometime soon. For now, I accept that I won’t love it and that’s ok.
That’s all!
Soshy

The First Step To Ending Your Weight Struggles

March 10, 2016

2:10:16#Tbt. January 1st, 2012. Nosara, Costa Rica. I hit a huge milestone in this shot. It was of my first vacations where I wasn’t stressed about food and my weight. I felt so alive and free.
I remember being able to lay on the sand and appreciate the sun, the water, my music,  and the birds. This was all new to me. Being away from home, and being relaxed enough to appreciate it.
For so many years traveling would terrify me because I didn’t have my usual healthy foods on hand and that made me feel so out of control. The diet plans I was on never told me what I should do if I go on vacation and try to have a good time. So leaving home would trigger me to a point where I would eat everything in site or nothing at all and could never appreciate the beauty because all I could think about was food and my intense fear of getting fat.
Things have changed since then. Only because in the middle of one the darkest moments of my life, I knew in my heart of hearts there had to be more to life than being on a diet and being thin.
Do you feel like you are constantly thinking about food or loosing weight? You don’t have to live this way! You are more than food and you are more than your body size. Trust me on this one.
Now I know you are probably telling yourself, “well if I was thin, I would be happy”. And most of the time that is true, except when that’s the only thing you are focusing on, the happiness and fulfillment is very short lived.
How about you stop telling yourself, “this time the diet will be different”. If it actually worked you would not be trying a new one. Right now. This very moment.
I want to tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are hundreds of other women who struggle with food just like you. And there are hundreds of women who struggled with food and don’t anymore because they found a way out.

My tip (with a tight hug) for you today: 
Make a PROMISE to yourself to end the war that’s working against you. That’s where it all starts. Stop doing what is failing you (dieting, restricting, counting calories,) and you have already started your process of changing your unwanted habits with food and falling in love with your body.

Want to learn more about what it’s like to work with me?

xo,

 

Soshy

What To Do If You’ve Gained Weight And You Don’t Want To Diet

March 2, 2016

What to do if you've gained weight and you dont want to go on a diet

So if you haven’t already heard about it I’ll just speak briefly because I want to keep this space as real as possible. I made a vow to myself in early September that I was going to put more effort in to my business than I ever had before. I was really going to go for it in a way that I hadn’t. I knew that I was going to be pushed to my edge and do things that felt really uncomfortable but what I didnt expect was that I wasn’t going to get results in the time frame I had hoped for. So, when it didnt happen it completly crushed me.

Not only that but I had some financial stuff come up, that super freaked me out. Truth be told, I got tested in ways that I hadn’t in a while. And it was a really hard and long emotional process for me in which sometimes I was pulled under with a lot of grief. Mostly because when you know you have a bigger calling and you want to help as many people as possible and it doesn’t exactly play out like that. Its hard and scary. My career is my world, my passion and my dream trying to come alive.

So guess what happened??? For the first time in four years my clothes actually started fitting me differently. Things got tighter and I put on a little weight. I really struggled with my body image for the entire month of December and January. What was the most disheartening was the fact that nothing changed with my eating habits and I was still really active. And, I gained weight. If I thought weight stuff would never test me again I turned out to be wrong. My weight fixation was still buried deep inside me to a point where when things didn’t go my way and my body changed it was really hard to feel good and love myself. But, even more so I found it hard to be happy and experience joy. Even a few of my close friends and family members became worried about me.

I wasn’t sure what to do.

I knew restricting calories wasn’t an option for me.

I knew I couldn’t exercise any more than I allready was since I’m pretty active.

SO..I DID NOTHING. For a while.

And, I waited patiently and ackowledged that this shit was hard and pissed me off. Why the hell do I have to deal with this?? Why can’t someone else go through this? I felt all of it. I gave myself the time and space to look at that part of myself that still feels my self worth and beauty is dependent on my weight.

And then february rolled around and I realized that I wasn’t having fun anymore because I didnt like how I looked.

So I decided to say fuck it and go back to my basic principles of what to do when you’ve gained weight and you don’t want to go on a diet. And now I want to share it with you in hopes of giving you some insight if this crap happens to you.

1- I got rid of everything that was tight on me and got some bigger jeans.

2- Then I purchased a few pieces that I thought made me feel/look beautiful.

3- I continued to only move my body for the sole purpose of joy. Anything else I skipped. Even though it could have potentially helped me get the weight off.

4- I stopped trying to cut corners with food (not treating myself a lot) and started eating for vitality and shocker alert…. Pleasure!!!!

5- I relearned to really focus on what was awesome about me from the inside out and holy shit! I can honestly say I have a lot of beauty coming out of my heart that can never be affected by a five pound weight gain. Turns out that I AM ENOUGH!!!!

6- I tell myself I am waiting this one out and that love heals everything. And my self love has gotten more real+raw this time around because NOW I KNOW FOR SURE that everything can change even when you are doing all the right things. The one thing that you can hold on to is love and acceptance. Even if things aren’t the way you want them to be.

Now, I want to encourage you to do the same. I’m gonna be honest. Gaining weight sucks. Its not fun. Its lame. But your reaction to it, is everything. Don’t be fooled that a clean diet and doing exercise that makes you miserable is a long term solution. It aint.

Self love is. Self love is. Self love is.

Share your thoughts below? Tell me what you resonate with in this post?

xo,

Soshy

 

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