Motherhood As of Late

February 21, 2017

I’m a mom now.
I feel like I have so much to share these days but I am afraid to because I have no polished photos and everything is soooo beautiful in the IG world that it feels like nobody reads it if you don’t post the perfect image. And selfishly I want people to be instrested in what I have to say.
But today I don’t care I just want to write. First off I am soooooo tired. Insanely tired. Rosey has been sick once last week, and once the week before so sleeping (if it wasn’t shit already) has been awful the last couple of weeks.
Sometimes my brain is so sleep deprived that I say dumb shit that doesn’t even make sense and then I laugh because I’m not even making sense and it’s just weird and freaky.
Duuuuur, I say to myself. And then I smack my forehead and crack up.
Anyways, every time I look in to my daughters eyes I am filled with a rush/gush of overwhelming love. I feel like it’s even bigger than what we (as humans) know about love. It’s otherworldly, to describe it in one word. I want to give her everything, do everything, be everything for HER.
Also, I really miss being out in the world with adult humans. One of my biggest fears is that I will die never having advanced in my career and although I thoroughly love being a stay at home mom right now, I also know that I have a purpose outside of our home. And that is to help support women that struggle with food and their body image. Every day I find myself aching to get back in to it full force but the thing is when you don’t sleep a full night in a few months, your drive to be out in the world and hustle isn’t really there. I have to repeatedly make space every day for where I am in my process of motherhood and honor that. For now, I only work with a few clients and take care of my baby, myself and our home. This is HARD my friends. I’m used to having my own paycheck and I actually like to work and feel it is important for my personal growth.
What else? I don’t really like my body right now and it’s weird for me to say it because for crying out loud I support other women to love theirs. But the truth is when women go through major life changes the transition part makes us feel kinda crappy in our bodies. I’ve seen it professionally and personally over and over again. Ladies that are currently having a hard time with their bodies, take note of this. Are you going through some type of transition? Your ‘yuck’ feeling may have to do with it. I hope (for myself) that I feel good in my body sometime soon. For now, I accept that I won’t love it and that’s ok.
That’s all!

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