Stress Management

Why We are Failing at Weight Loss

October 8, 2015

Why We Are Failing at Weight Loss. Long Terms Weight Loss is Complicated, Find Out Why! The Truth Behind Weight Loss!I can recall an Instagram post that I flipped through last week that is still stuck in my brain. It was from Danielle Laporte and she said, “Have a fucking opinion”. I don’t know why but I took it really seriously, because I often tend to keep my strong opinions to myself in fear of someone else outsmarting me. But seriously, enough of that!

I recently struck up a conversation with a lovely early fifty year old woman, who told me that last year had been a really hard year for her.

She hit menopause and had a thyroid issue all in one year and had put on a substantial amount of weight because of it. Naturally, she was seeing a medical doctor who recommended a weight loss program that would help her shed the extra pounds she put on throughout the year. So she listened to her doctor and tried it. The program was twenty five weeks long and she gave it her all. In the entire twenty five weeks of this medically recommended weight loss program they had one session that was an hour long on emotional eating. She has since finished the program and is feeling really down about her weight because she has already gained several pounds back and doesn’t know what to do. The tools they left her with were: A) Portion Control B) “If you want to maintain your weight, have 1700 calories a day, and if you want to loose more weight have 1200 calories a day”. Done. Thats it. Thats the takeaway from the entire program. Seems simple right??

Can we please talk about how wrong and flawed this system truly is??!!!

Not one dietician or doctor asked her about what her, history or struggles with food during the twenty five weeks that they spent with her. But in the ten minute conversation I have with her, she shares with me that she’s been an emotional eater since she was 14 years old. All I did was ask her a few simple, uncomplicated questions.

This conversation is completely and totally backwards. How is it possible that there is a medically recommended weight loss program for twenty five weeks and all they spend is one session on emotional eating? This is a program set up to make people fail and that is a fact. Our obesity+weight obsession is a plain and simple proof that the system is failing, BIG TIME. It is broken if a medical doctor is sending their patients to programs that encourage eating 1200 calories a day to loose weight. That will starve and potentially kill or ruin someones metabolism somewhere down the line. And it is. This is destiny with an eating disorder or disordered eating. Lets be real, Its only a matter of time.

I don’t know about you, but I want to create a solution, to our cultural weight problem, that works.

For once and all. If we are so concerned with the obesity epidemic and people being overweight lets get to the root of the issue. A) Food mixed in with emotions and people are complex. There isn’t a diet or a determined person in this world that can save themselves from that. You cannot fix it with an hour of work, or a calorie counting diet. It takes personal work for people to change their eating habits and a lot of support. B) Our food system is broken. Toxic foods are cheap and whole foods are expensive. People buy them and eat them and get sick. Then they try to fix it by dieting but they fail. Then they go back to buying toxic foods. Do you see the cycle? The worst part is, that it’s often people that are poor and uneducated. Fat isn’t the problem, our food system is, and so is our relationship with food.

Anyways, thats my opinion!

Got an opinion?? Share your thoughts on this topic please! But no hate or shaming is welcome here!




Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Eating

March 26, 2015

DSC_9567Have you ever noticed that your doing really well with food, paying attention and being completly mindful and then all of the sudden you come home at night and say to yourself: “Screw it, I don’t care, it doesn’t matter, I’m just going to eat X,” even though in the back of your mind you know that its definitely going to hurt you? Believe it or not this way of thinking is the start of emotional eating, it’s incredibly common, and most of the time caused by a stressful event or a highly emotional situation that you haven’t had time to process.

Even the best diet cannot save you from this mindset. Food, or no food the mind will always be loud and unless you challenge your way of thinking it will have you on a chain.

The first step in changing this is:

Awareness, awareness, awareness! Start to take note of when your in this mindset. The way it will display itself in your brain is:

“I don’t care, Im just going to eat this whole box of X.”
“Screw it, this day sucked so I’m just going to reward myself with X.”
“It doesn’t really matter, I’ll start over tomorrow.”

Once you become aware and you know you’re in that mindset it’s time to get in to dialogue with it! Even though these thoughts may display themselves to you, you need to talk back to them and challenge them.

You can say things like:

“I really want to eat X but I also care about my eating and how it makes me feel.”
“I know you’re saying I don’t care, but I really do care and actually last time I ate these cookies they hurt me.”
“I know it seems like I don’t care but I’m really stressed out right now and I don’t actually want to do this with food. I’ll come back to the food but first let me…”

Next: Get curious!

  • What happened that day? Anything stressful?
  • Did you need to speak up more than you did?
  • Was your workload too much?
  • Did you have a fight with a loved one?
  • Are you feeling bad about your weight?

Then start to think about ways you can self-sooth without food (these are just a few).

  • Walk
  • Call someone and talk to them about your day.
  • Take a hot shower.
  • Paint your nails.
  • Read.

Do you identify with this blog post? What has your experience been when it comes to emotional eating. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!



My Life and My Journey

November 20, 2014

Birth– I was a heavy baby. Too heavy to make it to the hospital and my mother gives birth in the Simons old house on Carol Street in Brooklyn, New York. My birth story always begins the same way,” you were too heavy to make it to the hospital”. Thus begins my belief that I am heavy. Till this day emotional feelings will always manifest as heaviness in my stomach.

Early Childhood Life: I am sensitive, serious and a smart kid that is particularly picky with my sense of style. But, I’m also the family comedian and Friday nights at Shabbat dinner I’m retelling the same story over and over which, for some odd reason has my family rolling with laughter every time.

It’s the one where I’m young and with Alte, my younger sister. My dad picks us up from sleep away camp and we are driving home and he’s blasting Yossi Piamenta on the tape recorder. He stops at the red light on Carol street and he sees his friend in the car right across from him. He tries to act cool and waves his hand around laughing and dancing in his seat. Then, all the sudden my sister is projectile vomiting in his 90’s Toyota which he cherished dearly and he screams and almost sobs and tells us to hold it.

At the time we were both wearing long jean BIZ skirts ( which was 90’s fashion) and we are holding her pile of barf in our skirts as he races through the light and practically throws us out of the car and then both of us are dumping piles of barf out of our skirts which held as makeshift bags they were so long and he’s practically crying, “my car, my car!!” Then, he races to the bodega on the next corner to get some cheep Glades air freshener trying desperately to get the smell out.

For some reason this cracks my family up because my father is so anal about his car and we think it’s hilarious karma that my sister projectiles in it. Its an old car, but my dad treats all of his cars like they are a Mercedes Benz or Rolls Royce! Even he, howls with laughter when I’m retelling the story.

I’m popular and have my core group of friends. Childhood is somewhat decent except for troubles at home and a guy groping me inappropriately in my basement at home.

Age 10-I’m smart intellectually, and socially I’m confident. We go to Israel for the summer and after a couple of weeks I’m the one navigating my family around because I can speak fluent Hebrew, accent and everything. I also get boobs which I cant stand. They feel heavy and gross and I wish they would just go away so I could have no boobs on my body and feel young again. I don’t like the feeling of being mature, it makes me uncomfortable.

Age 13-I discover boys. I sneak around in alley ways and basements and start experimenting with eating blow pops which are non-kosher. They taste sooo good but I feel guilty for betraying God, and I think I’m going to go to hell but I also don’t care because they taste too darn good. I can’t help myself so I keep on sneaking them from the corner bodega. Cherry and blue are my favorite.

Age 14– I go to the Gap and buy my first pair of jeans. I’m in love with wearing them. They feel so good and stylish and I’m still sneaking around with boys but in a really innocent and fun way.

Age 15- I really dislike being religious. I can feel it being really restrictive and close-minded and something feels just, off about it. I also hate covering myself in skirts and long sleeved shirts. Fashion feels important to me and I want to expose more skin. It makes me feel free.

Age 16– I get a toe infection and miss school for the day. My best friend writes me a letter about us going to the movie theater and talking about vaginas. My mother finds the letter and I am no longer the golden child. I get busted for going to the movies, which is practically a crime if your ultra religious. She never mentions the vagina part of the letter because we don’t talk about that body part out loud. Its a sin. Life is over as I once knew it.

Age 17– Traumatic life event. This will change me forever. It seems normal at the time but now I know I was just trying to survive.

Age 18-I am still happy and dancing at clubs in Manhattan with fake ID and raver pants (otherwise know as, UFO’S).

Age 19– I go skiing with my boyfriend. On the outside everything seems beautiful. It’s snowing, I’m in the gondola, it’s almost majestic looking. Inside, I feel numb and void of any joy. I notice how weird that feels. This marks the start of what I now know to be PTSD.

Sometime later I look in to the mirror and see my body changing. I detest myself. I cry. I start my first diet. I start running. I become addicted. Life feels more in control. Two weeks later I break my diet. I feel guilty over food. I hate myself for being weak.

Age 20-22– I go through the darkest period of my life. I have friends and people love me but I feel like I’m trapped in my own hell of complete darkness. I’m obsessed with food, being skinny and exercise. I don’t know I’m obsessed. I always end up failing. I cut myself mostly off from men, joy and pleasure. I tell myself no man has ever wanted me anyways. I feel like I want to die. Not suicide but just something else.

Age 23– I Travel to Australia and South East Asia with my best friend. I’m grossly underweight and borderline panicked about keeping it off. I mostly live on vegetables and animal protein and I stop getting my period. I feel less female. Thank God. I always hated having a female body. We are on some of the most beautiful beaches and all I can think about is dragging my best friend through the sweltering heat to find vegatables so I can have food. I gain weight because I’m also binge eating because I’m starving all the time. I never party because I’m scared of letting go even though I love dancing.

Age 24– Obsessesion with food is incredible! I come back to NYC and get a very well paying job in the diamond district. There are no windows in my office and no one I work with has ever left NYC. I feel as if I am suffocating. I panic one day during lunch and decide I’m moving to Boulder. I move one month later and become even more obsessed with losing weight when I get there. I exercise for two hours every day and it’s still not enough. I feel like I might die on the elliptical machine. Then I binge. Then I curse myself out and tell myself, “you’re a fucking looser, you will never amount to anything in your life”.

Age 24 and 3/4– I am on a date with a super skinny dude who has back issues. We are hiking. Its my first hike in Colorado and I slip and break my ankle. We are in the middle of a trail. He can’t carry me because of his back issues. I think he can’t carry me because I’m too heavy and fat. My ankle is so severely broken I can no longer exercise. I think I’m dying and after a couple of weeks I lay on my bed naked after the shower in a cast and sob hysterically to God, the universe or anything that will listen to me. I think, “I’m dying, I don’t want to continue like this, please help me”. My tears are guttural. I scream in my head, “if you don’t show me the way, I can’t go on”. I fully surrender to anything or nothing at all.

Three days later I have a conversation with someone that will change my life and begin my healing process around the traumatic life event, my body, and food. With lots of intense personal healing over the next several months, I start to finally feel better. This is after years of tremendously and agonizingly suffering and being freaked out about being alive.

25th Birthday– I sit around with a group of loved ones and Max and I are officially together and dating each other. They say nice things about me and I finally feel as if I’m ok and safe in my body. I love my body just a little bit. It’s not too bad even though I’m the heaviest weight, I’ve ever been. I accept that I may be at this weight forever but it feels ok because I’m eating what I want and stopping when I’m full. This feels healthy even though I don’t have the thin body I dreamed I would have.

Age 26– Eating and weight issues are gone and I start to feel what it’s like to exist as MYSELF which feels so good. I realize what my gift is. I’m going to help people heal from disordered eating and body image issues. It’s a painful realization because I don’t believe in myself. I have some confidence but not true, deep or real confidence to put my gift in to action.

Age 27+28+beginning of 29– I work and work on all of my issues that were behind the food issues. Some of them sting like crazy. They are painful yet beautiful to work on. They are not easy to look at. I want so badly to help people and make money while doing so.

January 2014, age 29– I get acupuncture from this sweet woman who puts the needles in my body and as soon as she does this, I cry and cry and cry a deep cry. I feel as if I’ll never amount to anything worth it in my life. I also know I desperately need to but the question is how? I decide I’m going to really try for Embody Nutrition, and I do.

July of age 29– Its my wedding and I’m dancing. I look around and realize everyone that I love is within ten feet of me. I think this is it! This is life! Life is love, when you’re in a place to take it in. Life is when you are gifted with something that’s beyond you and you can actually use it to help others heal. It’s about not feeling beautiful but loving yourself anyways. It’s about dancing no matter your body weight. Its about being free from your inner critic or at least knowing its your inner critic and not you. This is life!

Age 30– I love my body on a different level. I can look in to the mirror and see beyond my flesh and fat and think to myself, “damn you’ve been through a lot and I still love you”. I can see beyond the shell of myself and am grateful for it inside. I feel good in my skin. I’m proud of how far I have come. I’m mostly financially independent and can even pay for expensive dental work that I need done (for some reason this makes me happy). I have been helping other women heal their relationship with food and their weight and my service, works for other people. I don’t think there is anything that makes me happier than to help other women. I am married to someone that’s on the same path as me and we can actually have epic heart to hearts. I’m still working on some financial stuff and past stories or beliefs that I’m not good enough but I’m grateful. I’m grateful for everything that once was and is. The Universe continues through pleasure and pain to be my greatest teacher. Thank You for taking care of me Universe.

This timeline of my life is to give hope to all of those that haven’t had it easy. I want to tell you to keep on asking. Keep on getting support. Find people that have walked the path a little further than you and ask them to show you the way. Don’t be afraid to cry because you want something so bad but also don’t be afraid when the Universe gives it to you in the form you least expected. Trust. Trust, that the universe will always help in your healing process if you just ask and dream. Always dream.




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